How to Know What Are Your Fears

Did you ever ask yourself what are your fears? It's often that we fear of something but we never think clearly about what we're afraid of. 

Most people do know the fact that they're afraid, but they don't really understand why and what they're afraid. And eventually this leads to a clueless statement that we often heard - you are lacking of self confidence.

Self confidence is an emotional status, fear itself doesn't necessarily matter with self confidence. You can be self confidence but still fearing of something. However, if you don't know how to deal with your fears, chances are you'll be seemed like a wussy, and give a vibe that you are lacking of self confidence. Therefore, if you want to be fearless and be self confidence, then you want to learn how to conquer your fear.

In fact, fear is not negative although we often think it in negative context. It is positive, it exists as a reminder for us of something might make us uncomfortable or hurt that we have experienced before. It is a self protect mechanism.

However, sometimes these past experiences were the false beliefs that holding you back to achieve your goals. You have a fear of something, and you believe you've no idea to deal with it. 

For instance, you have a fear of heights, and you convince yourself that not taking planes to somewhere if there are alternative routine, either ship or car. Therefore, it became the limiting beliefs that holding you back to take plane to other place.

Do you get the picture?

If you look around and realize there're fears hemmed in your life, then you have to overcome it. The first step to overcome your fears is to define your fears, without knowing what are your fears and causes of your fears, chances are you'll be confu

Identify your fears

In some cases, your fears might be very easy to identify such as afraid of being bitten by dog. Or there're some cases which are more difficult for you to identify the fears as they're rooted deeply in your brain since your childhood. If you can't understand why you have a fear of something, then it's confusing for you to deal with it even thought everyone has the same fear as you.

You have to invest some of your times to identify your fears, think about every time when you're fearing of something, what common things are in them? What things that trigger your fears? People? Emotion? Or past experiences? What feelings you truly have when you're afraid? Or any kind of scene that you'd remind when you're fearing?

Write it down

To help you organize your fearful thoughts and identify its causes and triggers, I suggest you write them down. You must be honest to genuinely write down every of your thoughts even the trivial things. Just write down everything that you guess might has to do with your fear, no matter it makes sense or not. Because the causes of your fear might be hided beyond your mind, and you don't even recognize them.

Set at least 5 minutes timer to free-write your fearful thoughts. You can write down the past experience that triggers your fear, what actually brings you to the fear, or your feelings. We can know a lot of info about your feelings and thoughts via free-writing as it's nothing more than outputting your mind without thinking much. Fear is not easy to be sorted out in your head, and fears can have layers, organize your thoughts surely give a hand on identify your fears at some level.

Ask people 

Sometimes, other people know us better than we know ourselves. This is because our thoughts are influenced by our beliefs. If your money beliefs are working harder to earn bigger, chances are you don't believe you can earn better but do lesser. Your thoughts are based on your beliefs, therefore, sometimes we can't detect our fears due to our beliefs.

You can ask people around you who you think may understand you or have experienced similar circumstances to yours. They can help you to analyze your thoughts and might give you some insightful ideas on how to deal with them. 

There is one more method that you can use to identify your fear, which is ask yourself. As mentioned above, you may don't very understand yourself, but that's from your own perspective. How about to think from others perspective?

You can use observing ego to see yourself like seeing other people which was introduced in my free ebook. Imagine your eyes are at outside your body and watching your past experience like watching film. So when you see yourself from others perspective instead of yours, you can spot the blind spots easily that you can't spot before.

Fears affect people differently

Although everyone experienced fears, but how people react to fears are totally different. Some people feel anxious when he's afraid, he worries the unexpected consequences that he might can't control. But some people react calm to the fears, he's able to think calmly and find solution to solve the problems. He won't allow himself wasting time to be emotional instead he takes some action that he can do.

These contrary reactions are depend on the person. If a guy is confident he can solve problems, he would spend his time on figuring specific solution rather than keep thinking negatively. If a guy is lacking of self confidence, when fears come, his brain turns empty immediately, and hoping someone can give him a hand. In other words, fears affect people differently.

What are your fears?

People can have the same fears, but with different causes and reasons. For instance, many guys fear to approach woman who is first time meet. They're fearing of the same thing, but everyone of them has their own reason and perspective. 

Perhaps that guy is afraid due to rejection that he faced before, but the another guy is afraid because he's inferior. see also how to use self confidence to attract women

You see, they have different causes of fears but fearing of the same thing. You have to define your fear if you want to eliminate it effectively. Otherwise, you can't be able to kill the root cause, and your fear can appear whenever something triggers it. 

Do the exercises above— write down your fears and ask other people, you'll have some clues to follow. Remember, everyone has different causes and reasons for their fears. Don't simply take someone advise and assume yours fears are the same. 

Identify your fears are essential in gaining your self confidence. You can't conquer your fears if you don't know what they are.

Photo credit: cc

About the author


Rio Yee is the Founder of WealthyLoveLife and is super passionate about helping people change their mind and take action to improve your important areas in life such as dating & relationships, personal finance and productivity.


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