4 Types of Relationship: Attraction Always Has To Come First
In this article I want to explain 4 typical types of relationship, and this is very important for you to know because you need to know which relationship you should avoid.
In my previous article, I explain the hormonal difference between attraction and love, attraction (sexual attraction) must come first (chronologically) before anything else. I also explain how emotional needs play in relationships in previous article, emotional needs are the fundamental factors in every relationship.
If you haven't read them before, read them now. This article you are reading now is wrote base on the information over there. You need to know them, read them now.
4 typical types of relationship
As you know there are three emotional needs: status, connection and security. In this article I want to show you why attraction has to be your first priority for your relationship. Since the security need is only involved after the relationship is stable and in long term, this article doesn't involved security need.
So let us see how status need and connection need form the 4 typical types of relationship that we usually can see.
Low Attraction (Status Need/Sexual Attraction), High Comfort (Connection Need/Emotional Attraction)
High Attraction (Status Need/Sexual Attraction), Low Comfort (Connection Need/Emotional Attraction)
High Attraction (Status Need/Sexual Attraction), High Comfort (Connection Need/Emotional Attraction)
Low Attraction, Low Comfort
This kind of relationship is the worse relationship. There's no exist neither the sexual attraction nor the emotional attraction. You never satisfy her status need and connection need. It is not surprise that you can't get her, the best for this type of relationship is to be stranger.
Low Attraction, High Comfort
For this type of relationship, she feels emotional attraction for you. She can feel between you and her have a connection, she feels comfort when being around you.
However, there is no/not enough sexual attraction, she thinks you are not attractive enough. Therefore, you two are merely friends. Low attraction but high comfort is essential for friendship, but not love relationship. This type of relationship results in almost no sex (or very little).
People misunderstood that the opposite of attraction is hate. If she doesn't feel attraction for you, chances are she hates you. Obviously this is wrong. The opposite of attraction is apathy/indifferent. She just doesn't care about you.
Some women keep being friends with some guys who are chasing them simply because they threat these guys as their friends. They don't afraid of losing you, because they expect other women are not attracted to you either, not to mention that they just don't care about it.
Women feel good when chasing by someone, because this shows they are high value and this gives them a lot of confidence, that's why they play hard to get with you.
Dopamine is the hormone that creates sexual attraction. When someone is able to trigger the dopamine pumps into her blood, she is irresistibly attracted to him, she can't control herself not to do so, that's how her mind wired.
If you can't trigger her dopamine, someone will, and she will be attracted or even addicted to him quickly. When this happens getting dumped is not surprise at all.
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you” is the best description of this relationship.
High Attraction, Low Comfort
This kind of relationship is when a guy is very sexually attractive and satisfies her status need, but she feels not enough connection with him, he can't fully satisfy her connection need. Such guy typically is a jerk. He is attractive because he has bad guys traits that women crave for, but just not a good boyfriend material.
Women who are attracted to such kind of man would behave emotionally because they can't understand him. They don't know what is he thinking, what is he planning, does he love me, and so on. This makes the guy appears mysterious and become more attractive. However, the amount of mysterious he projects is extreme, plus there's no connection to neutralize the effect, that would only makes the relationship worse.
For example, an extremely attracted woman will call you hundred times a day when she can't connect you, she texts you every minute and if you can't accompany her she will angry/go crazy, she is very jealousy and don't allow you to talk to other women, etc.
She will be thinking of you constantly, you just don't have your own time because she seeks for the connection need extremely. She might even think and accuse you of being afraid of commitment.
This is not a healthy relationship. However, it's still better than friendship.
If you don't have attraction, you have nothing. If you don't have enough comfort, you have to deal with jealousy.
High Attraction, High Comfort
This one is the ideal relationship you should work toward to. You are very attractive, and very good at social/people skills. You can satisfy her status need and connection need at the same time.
Since she doesn't have any emotional need fall behind, she is emotionally stable. You will have a happy and healthy relationship, in order that you both will seek for security need which is mental attraction in a long term relationship. You both start to give commitment to each other and work toward the same relationship goals.
So, what should you do to create such kind of relationship? First of all, you need to improve your attractiveness. You should improve yourself in every aspect of your life. Yes, attain a happy and healthy relationship need a lot of work, you need to be supreme in every area of your life such looks, money, life skills and the list goes on. See:the top 10 areas to improve your attractiveness
Low Attraction, High Comfort – No Sex, High Cheating Risk
High Attraction, Low Comfort – Jealousy, Emotional unstable
High Attraction, High Comfort – Happy, Healthy Relationship
Constant self improvement is the key. I hate to repeat this many times but it's very easy to forget because it's so common sense to us. No matter it’s your first time dating, or you’ve been married ten years, constant improvement is a never-ending journey. That's what keeps your relationship happy and healthy.
Rio Yee is the Founder of WealthyLoveLife and is super passionate about helping people change their mind and take action to improve your important areas in life such as dating & relationships, personal finance and productivity.