Feeling depressed for a breakup?
Having completely no idea about recovering from a breakup?
It's not a special thing in most men.
I used to be suffering from an awful breakup too.
My friend, I know your feelings. It's hard to break through the depression.
However, I did it.
I know how to deal with depression and how to get over someone you very love.
There are certain stages of breakup recovery process you will go through and there are two stages which most people are stuck with.
Each stage can be long or short depending on your mindset and actions.
You don't need to do any specific thing, but you need to know what are the mindset and actions that you should avoid in each stage.
There're 6 stages of breakup recovery process.
The first stage is the Denial stage, a stage where a person refuses to admit what happened.
You feel shocked when you heard from your spouse the request to split up. And then you don't admit what you have heard.
There are a few of limiting beliefs a person may have to cause the denial happens.
Most today's men have been programmed by media to believe that it's very hurt and hard to recover from breaking up with a person you love very much.
The media spreads the belief that if you lost your loved one, then you'll not find anyone else attractive and fall in love with.
In fact, you fall in love with someone is because she meets your unconscious criteria for the needs of sexual and emotional attraction. See: 3 fundamental emotional needs to a successful relationship
It's for sure that many people are able to meet these emotional needs. In other words, lots of people can be 'the one'.
If you insist on getting this specific woman back, chances are you will fail so you feel struggled.
A person can stuck at this stage because he wants to back to the past.
However, the past is the past. The past is not controllable.
If you wish to live in the past means you are refusing what happened.
A person who is a love addict can't accept the fact that breakup happened.
Love addiction happens due to having emotional gaps that can require from having a spouse. So when a breakup happens, the emotional gaps are unfilled, so he can't accept and insist on wanting the woman back.
A love addict simply can't tolerate with being single.
Some people can't accept the fact of breakup because they depend on the relationship to feel better about themselves.
They don't feel they are worthy. They feel worthy for involving in a relationship. Their values are from the external world, but not from their within. They rarely discover their internal world to find values of themselves.
They don't really love the person. They just want to feel worthy. The person doesn't matter, it's the emotion that matter.
The second stage is the Anger stage. At this stage, you feel like wanting to revenge your ex.
You feel angry about being dumped, you feel embarrassed for being rejected, and you feel like being a victim.
This is because being dumped or rejected will make you feel you are faulty, inadequate or not up to the par.
However, most of the rejection just doesn't make sense. That is merely the person's opinion about you, but no one will know about you more than you.
Being dumped or rejected doesn't mean you are bad. That can be mere all her personal problems.
For example, she has a love belief that an attractive man must be black skin and you are a white man then being rejected by her is nothing wrong with you. It's just different love beliefs.
The main reason behind feeling angry or bad after a breakup is a lack of self-confidence. A confident guy won't be emotional for years after a breakup. See: The types of self-confidence that attract women.
This is the most dangerous stage, where you want to find hopes to getting back with your ex.
At this stage, you keep doing things that remind you of her. You keep:
You have to control your thoughts and your actions. These are what holding you back to get over your ex and move on with your life.
I used almost two years to get over my ex-girlfriend. It's hard to control your thoughts and actions because your mind is trying to find hopes to rewind the relationship.
If you can't totally control the thoughts and actions then use your consciousness to limit them.
After the bargaining stage, you will come to the depression stage.
You feel depressed because at the previous stage you are in a situation between wanting to give up and hoping to restore the relationship.
Your mood shifts between hope and loss of hope. That's why the breakup depression occurs.
In my previous article about depression I mentioned that people feel depressed because of losing hope to achieve the things they desired.
Once you found alternative ways to achieve your dead goals, you will feel there's a hope, you are able to make a new plan to achieve them so you will feel happy again.
But that's under a situation that you have absolute control ability. In the breakup case, you have boundaries, there are a lot of things not under your control. Your ex-girlfriend has absolute ability to choose want to back to you or not.
In other words, that is not controllable. Having hopes in the breakup cases your will feel depressed because you have zero control power to the outcome.
Therefore, no matter what kind of the outcome you want, getting her back or moving on, you should give up the hope.
If you choose to get your ex back, you should merely do your parts and let her alone to make the decision. Don't hope, as mentioned your mood will shift between hope and loss of hope, that will only lead to depression and put you at a disadvantage.
If you choose to move on, giving up your hopes is a must.
When you don't hope for anything, you will be able to get over the person and move to the next stage.
Once you give up the hopes, you will come to the acceptance stage.
You'll accept the fact that you and she broke up. So your mental state will be balanced and peaceful because you will stop trying to change what happened.
Depression will not bother you anymore because you accept the fact as it is. In my previous article I said acceptance is the key to breakthrough depression.
Acceptance not only will help you to stop feeling depressed but also will prevent yourself from bargaining.
I know you love her, very much.
For me, breaking up with my ex is the worst thing happened in my life, but also is the best thing happened in my life.
My life has changed, I learned from the mistakes and now I'm succeeded with women. I then further explore other parts of my life and dedicated to improving them as well so this website is born to share what I have learned along the journey.
Since you accept the fact of breaking up, you are recovered.
However, that's not the end. You may back to the previous stages if you don't strongly believe that you are okay with being single.
You can back to the bargaining stage if you take wrong actions that trigger the pining for your ex.
You must do different things compare to the things in your ex-love life so your mind will be strengthened that the story ended.
Here are the things I have done and I suggest you to do the same.
Most people are stuck between stage 3 & 4. They insist on trying to get the person back rather than accepting what happened.
The reason they are stuck between stage 3 & 4 is because they have problems in stage 1 & 2. You must fix your mind at the first place, then your behaviors only will change.
People are hard to quit bad habits that remind them of their ex. They move from stage to stage but reset the recovery process due to wrong thoughts and actions.
If you can control yourself effectively along the stages recovering from a breakup quickly is not hard. If I can, sure you can.
Make it happened.