7 Reasons Why Love Is Not Enough For A Relationship
"The fact is, love is not enough. All those fairytales, all those stories and movies you've heard and watched growing up, lied to you. Love is never enough because love is irrational." - Unknown
The feeling of falling in love with someone perhaps is the most fantastic and excited feeling you could experience in this world.
When you are falling in love with someone, you feel you're so lucky you can meet her in this world, you feel there's a butterfly in your stomach when you are being with her, she becomes your joy resources in your life.
You promise to yourself that you will never let her go. You promise to yourself that you will breakthrough every obstacle that is blocking on the road towards the happy love life. You believe that nothing is able to stop the love between you two.
We all have been there. When you are into someone chances are you will feel exactly the same and you won't give up your love even though its draining your resources. You believe if you keep working hard you will get return for the love life you desired.
You may heard before someone told you that: 'All you need is love'. If you have "love", "passion", "romantic", you name it, then every problem in your love life is not a problem.
However, in fact this is not completely correct. For having a happy love life, love is not enough. There are still many things will change your love life entirely if you mistakenly do it.
When we are into a woman we will feel we need this woman, so we will try hard to pursue her, the thing that motives us to take risk of being rejected to approach her is ATTRACTION. Attraction is so powerful that you can't calm yourself down to analyze the situation you are now with, you could make a lot of mistakes but never realize it.
Now you know that fact that love has to exist with attraction. See also attraction vs love. However, to make your love works, there's not only infatuation needed in it.
In my free ebook Relationships Made Simple I mentioned that attraction happens and triggers at instinctive level. The feeling of sexual attraction is to ensure the continuous of reproduction of human species. It happens naturally without needing you to control it.
You are attracted to her is not because she did something to you, said something to you, or gave something to you. You are attracted to her is because she fits to your attraction criteria. And your attraction criteria is in the subconscious mind, so you are not logically to choose to be attracted to someone like "I like her because she has a pair of long legs, blah blah blah".
You may realize that, the woman you like currently is totally not the same like the first woman you liked. It's because attraction is not in control, she doesn't need to do many things to attract you, and you don't need to convince yourself to love someone, all these happen naturally.
People feel love is enough, love solves every problem in your love life, is because the "Attraction" take over their mind at that moment. You may feel that you need to confess your feelings to her because you love her, you need to let her know your feelings. Chances are, it only will backfire the relationship. See: How to not confess your love
Some people even will take extreme action to prove his love to her due to lack of ability to control his feelings for a woman. Not because they don't understand what is right or wrong, but when the attraction is too strong and they are not mature enough to get themselves in control, chances are they will make mistakes unconsciously because at the moment it just feels right.
Therefore, you need to know the big picture of love. Love is not enough for a relationship.
Why love is not enough?
1. Love does not equal compatibility
In my free ebook Success Made Certain I explained that everyone has different maturity, and matches of maturity is important to having a good relationship. Basically, maturity is a set of views and beliefs on things. They can be categorized into personal values, phylosphies of life, and world view which are personal level, social level, and worldwide level respectively.
If you two have different maturity, it's hard to reach to mutual acceptance sometimes. Therefore, all three levels are important in your relationships. Knowledge and beliefs about love is categorize into personal level. Many guys fail to get women attracted to them is because they have limiting beliefs above love. See: 7 limiting beliefs about love in men.
When you lack of knowledge about love, it's easily to be caught up in her drama and selfishness. Most guys will treat women as nice as them can just want to satisfy her desire. Eventually, your woman will be tired of you because you are not a challenge to her anymore. Women secretly crave for the challenges to get a man she likes to like her back. When you are not a challenge to her anymore, her attraction for you will fade out very soon. See: Warning: Stop being a nice guy.
Gradually, she doesn’t follow those unspoken expectations and this is leading into confusion, disillusionment, and disappointment. Eventually, your relationships are full with anger, hatred and bitterness. Undoubtedly this is harmful to your relationships.
When you two have too much difference of maturity, that means you two are not compatible currently. It's love that brings you two to be together, but it's also love separates you two, because when you and her are not compatible, being together is merely continually harm each other.
2. Love should makes you better
A healthy love is it should makes you two better and happier than before when both of you are single. You will naturally want to improve yourself, and the reason is obvious, because you love her.
Your woman should makes you better as an individual. If the love between you and her is not happy and this keeps for a long time, perhaps you need to rethink carefully about your love.
However, first and foremost, we have to love ourselves before we love others. Love is not something that need to compromise our passions and dreams. In my free ebook Attract Women With Personal Boundaries I said that we need to conserve resources in order to share the resources with others. If you don't love yourself, how could you love others? Simple question.
Therefore, please not forgetting (or compromising) who you are when you are in love. You still have your dream life, your goals, your mission in life, your business, etc. Think carefully, is love all you need?
As an attractive and alpha man, love merely as an ingredient in life, but not the ultimate goal. When your life is only existing of her but nothing else, it's when your relationships starts to lost control.
When your world is all of her, you tend to be overly nice to her, and your emotions are very sensitive to her every action. In other words, you tend to turn into a wuss when you lost yourself. That's why people told you if you want to be successful with women you have to be yourself.
The insecurities, neediness and co-dependence will completely kill your attraction to her and there's almost no way to win her back if the attraction is gone. Remember, love should makes you better, love yourself before you love others.
3. Real love doesn't need a return
My personal take on love is that a real love doesn't need a return. Love is not doing a business. We should not measure how much love that we give to her and how much of her love will return.
Many people want to confess their love is because they want to know how much is the chance they have to be with her. Is it worthy to treat her nice? Is it worthy to give efforts into the relationship?
This makes love seem very utilitarianism. Attraction is not a choice. You love her with your heart. Your heart feels she's the kind of woman you like. When you measure the ROI of your love, the romance quality decreases, obviously.
A real love doesn't need a return, which means that not to expect anything in return!
4. Love does not necessarily solve your relationship problems
Every relationships must have problems, and we have to learn how to cope with them. We as a man we have bigger responsibility compare to women in a loving relationship.
In fact, every individual has 100% responsibility in his or her relationships. But I prefer that men should take bigger responsibility, because men and women are different. Men are more logical than women, whereas women are more emotional. Moreover, women are more sensitive to trivial things, and they are not as strong as men too.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that you want to claim that every problem in your loving relationships is your responsibility. There's no specific right or wrong in a love, however, when comes to loving relationships men should be "men" to take more responsibility. Agree?
However, sometimes the problem may not be able to solve. For example, you don't like she always talks at someone back but she can't change it because she used to talk at someone back since younger years. It's a part of her personality traits. Imagine that, if you marry this woman, you need to bear this behavior for your whole life.
Okay, you may think that if she loves you, she would change it for you. Sometimes this can happen, mostly cannot. She would bounce back after several months or so, and she won't feel comfortable because she's compromising herself. Love is very powerful, it can change a person, but it doesn't necessarily solve your love problem.
In addition, remember you should never and ever settle for less than standard women. When a woman fits one of your attraction criteria, you are attracted to her. When you are putting efforts or invest into your loving relationships, you will magnify the attraction you have for her. In other words, the more you invest into the relationships, the more you will feel she's the one. This woman may not up to your standard, however, because you start to invest in the relationship, you feel you can't lose her and hope she will change someday.
Guys, please don't idealize your love relationship, please don't idealize your woman. Nothing is perfect included love. If you found that she's less than standard, then let her go. Be honest to yourself, and be honest to her too.
5. Love is not always worth sacrificing yourself.
To make the love works, sometimes you both need to sacrifice yourself inevitably. However, love is not always worth sacrificing yourself. The kind of sacrifice such as accompany her to eat spicy thing surely is not a big deal. The kind of sacrifice here means sacrifice yourself and even your identity for the sake of your relationships.
Do you respect yourself? If you do, do you want your girlfriend respects you? Many guys allow their girlfriend disrespect them, conscious or unconsciously. If you allow her to behave badly to you, chances are you'll lose her respect and surely this makes the attraction fades out.
If you accept second class behavior such as allow her to treat you like her little brother, you're allowing her to ruin your loving relationship in the long run. There are somethings you should never and ever to sacrifice for the sake of your relationship such as self-respect, dignity, ambitions and life purpose.
For having a healthy loving relationship, both partner has to respect each other. Therefore, if you want her to respect you, your reaction to her bad behavior is what makes the difference. You can take it as a joke, ignore it or stop it. The ideal way is always stop it by telling her you don't like her behavior. By telling her you could imply her that she doesn't have the right to disrespect you.
Women tend to behave disrespectfully to test men's reaction. You want to stop her bad behavior by letting her know your personal boundaries. You educate her what you like and dislikes. In my free ebook Attract Women With Personal Boundaries I explained that when a person without boundaries he or she can't see the limitation for doing something. If you don't let her know what you dislike and stop letting her to disrespect you, she can't see the limitation and will continue to disrepect you. And you will unconsciously let her to disrespect you because you can't see the limitation.
Love is blind. That's why you will sacrifice a lot for the sake of loving relationships. But the limit is you should never betray your boundaries.
“Good relationships don’t just happen. They take time, patience and two people who truly want to be together.” - Unknown
6. Love needs communication
For having a healthy loving relationship based on honesty and empathy, communication is inevitable. Many guys don't know how to communicate their needs to their girlfriend. Typical guy assumes his girlfriend will understand him without needing to say anything because she loves him. He thinks his girlfriend should be able to catch the changes within him and give relevant response to him.
This is weird, isn't it? Is your girlfriend a psychologist? Is your girlfriend a love coach? Why would you believe your girlfriend should intuitively know what you need without you having to say anything?
For better understanding of each other, you should make better communication. First of all, you have to understand that you have a right to ask for the things you need. Don't be afraid to let her know your thoughts, you want to make your needs clearly known because it's your responsibility to yourself and your partner to be clear about your needs.
I suggest you start out by expressing a small need. Big need is a need that go against with her beliefs system. For example, she believes that boyfriend should helps girlfriend to do anything she wants. However, we can't fulfill every her need especially which has to sacrifice our identity. Therefore, when addressing your need in this case that you don't want to do this or that for her, chances are your girlfriend would think you don't love her as much as she loves you.
A small need is something like give a call after reaching home which is one time only behavior instead of changing beliefs, attitudes, or lifestyles permanently. This is very important, it's always better to start out by expressing a small need. In other words, always start out by asking for a change in behavior only.
Everyone has his or her "quirks" without realizing them. It's normal when you found she has some "quirks" that you never would do. Chances are, you have some behaviors which are "quirks" in her eyes too. Just try to accept the other person's "quirks" without evaluating and judging those weird behaviors.
Even though you communicate your needs to her clearly, that doesn’t mean your needs will always be met. If it's not invading your personal boundary, then just let be. It's meaningless if your intention to communicate is just to win. The importance of communication is to help creating a healthy loving relationship based on honesty and empathy. See how to communicate your needs in a relationship at The Art of Manliness.
7. Love needs trust
"If you want to build a relationship. Take trust as your bricks. And patience as your cement. Just love is not enough...." - Unknown
In a relationship, trust is always one of the most important ingredients to sustain the relationship, especially in a loving relationship. You need to understand that she is an independent individual like you, she has her own friend circle, life, favorites, and so on. If she wants to hang out with her friends, let her go, even if she doesn't tell you much of the details.
However, you shouldn't trust her blindly, instead trust her wisely, in a right way. Sometimes she cheats on you, and you shouldn't hypnotize yourself to trust her and hope that everything will be fine. It's not a clever move in anyway.
You have to take some actions to minimize the temptations that make her cheat on you. One of the ways is giving her a sense of secure and safety such as commitment. You must promise that you will execute and realize the commitment otherwise it will become you cheat on her. However, in my free ebook Relationship Made Simple I explained that commitment should be given when you both are in mental attraction stage. Otherwise, you will be in friend zone.
To build up her trust in you, you must be able to handle your negative emotions such as jealousy, fights and arguments. All these if you can't handle well, you will backfire her trust in you and even her feel for you. In other words, you have to deal with your insecurities and fears. Chances are, it's your fears and insecurities that AMPLIFY your jealousy and stress. Once you broken her trust in you, it's hardly to recover it. So trust must be taken into account in your love life.
Love is not enough. If your love doesn't consider these 7 aspects of love chances are you don't feel happy and content with your love life. It's easier to say than do, and it's a long journey. Rome doesn't build up in a day. Give into some efforts until you both have mutual values of love so you both are soul mate to each other. You deserve for your love.
About the author
Rio Yee is the Founder of WealthyLoveLife and is super passionate about helping people change their mind and take action to improve your important areas in life such as dating & relationships, personal finance and productivity.