In order to understand how to attract a woman and make her love you you have to understand what is love.
Generally speaking, love is attraction, love are feelings, when you are being with the person you loved, you feel tension and chemistry between you two. Those feelings are the love.
Probably you have asked some women what criteria they will see to choose a man as their boyfriend, and they replied you that depends on the feelings. Love is about a set of attraction feelings, it can't be explained nor controlled.
Apart from the feelings you get from hormones such as Dopamine and Oxytocin when they pumped into your blood, the love feelings or emotions are triggered by your subconscious mind.
That's why most people don't realize when they are attracted to someone, they don't know why they have feelings for the person. This is because all these are controlled by your subconscious mind, you are not decided yourself to be attracted to someone, it's determined by your unconscious criteria.
Our brain is a triune brain built up with three parts according to the research of model of evolution. The ascending levels of triune brain are reptilian brain, mammalian brain and intelligence brain.
Each brain is responsible for different functions. Reptilian brain is responsible for instinctive level, mammalian brain is responsible for emotional level and intelligence brain is responsible for mental level.
Three levels of brain have different emotional needs, and these unconscious needs are the unconscious criteria just mentioned. When you have feelings for someone, it's because she matched your unconscious criteria, she can satisfy your emotional needs.
The more your unconscious criteria she meets, the more attraction feelings you have for her.
In my free ebook I've explained that attraction can be divided into 3 levels orderly according to triune brain. If you want to attract a woman and make her want you then you want to match her emotional needs ( the unconscious criteria) with correct order and at appropriate time.
How to attract a woman: Three levels of attraction
The first level of attraction is sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is the attraction that easiet to improve because majority of it works on physical level. The emotional need of this level is status, when you have greater status you have higher level of sexual attraction.
There are many ways to improve this level of attraction, for physical such as looks, clothes, eyes contact, body language, and wealth. For emotional such as self confidence, non neediness, non clingy, secure, smart, challenge, etc, these give out a vibe that you are an "alpha male".
People instinctively screen others by judging a book by its cover, it's human nature. That's the fastest way to have a picture about what kind of a person is he. Therefore, when a woman doesn't know much about you yet, your status is the fastest indicator for her to screen what kind of a person you are.
This level of attraction normally happens at stranger stage, a stage that all she knows about you depends on what status you could send out. After that, you want to gradually pay more attention on emotional attraction to move to next stage.
Emotional attraction is second level and it is at the second stage. At this stage, the emotional need has to be satisfied is connection or can be said attachment.
At this stage, you and her already from being stranger to being friends/ couple. The tactic on handling emotional attraction well is to make her always feel loved and cared. You both exchange feelings at this stage, you both want to feel loved and cared in the relationship.
However, you should never build too much connection. The reason of this is because when you give your all to her, she is certain that you're hers, and this leads to the loss of sexual attraction because you have no challenge to her.
Conversely, if you are not creating enough attachment you'll neglect her emotional need - connection. She doesn't feel you care and love her, she doesn't feel you're her man. And this leads to nothing else but a ruined relationship and two broken hearts. Many relationship ends because the laziness to maintain the relationship.
To do this we need many skills such as a sense of humor, flirting skill, communication skill, screening skill, etc.
The third level of attraction is mental attraction. Mental attraction needs to be triggered when the relationship turns into long term relationship. When comes to this stage, you both will commit to make the relationship work in long term, normally all serious commitment will carry out at this stage.
The emotional need of mental attraction is security. This can be viewed easily with your attitude towards your life. For examples, your attitude towards your life, career, love, past, future, you name it, your attitude about everything in your life.
Women need to obtain a sense of safety and security from men in a loving relationship. If the man can't provide the respective sense, chances are women will leave this guy and get the emotional need from other guy.
Therefore, you want to develop a great attitude in everything in your life, to do this you want to always check your belief system and learn new things. I mentioned the view of value, life, and world in my free book, these three views form your current attitude.
In other words, for long term relationship you would need to have your mission in life (aka life purpose), a mature set of principles and values about everything in your life. And this website will help you for that.
How these emotional needs work together
Lets see how these three emotional needs work together and complement each other.
First of all, let's recap the stages of attraction and relationship. Every relationship starts with stranger (sexual attraction), and then turn into friends or couple (emotional attraction), if the relationship is stable/compatible with each other the relationship will turn into long term relationship (mental attraction).
The sexual attraction has to come first before emotional attraction because if you try to build up the connection or attachment too earlier, chances are you will be friendzoned. She may feels you are a great person, but you are not sexy. That's why she doesn't treat you as a boyfriend material.
This is what normally a nice guy does when it comes to dating and relationship, he tries to call the woman several times a day, he tries hard to date her out, he sends messages with intention merely want to chat with her, buy her flowers, drinks, presents, be her driver etc. He tries to build the emotional attraction first instead of sexual attraction, that's why nice guy always finish last.
Well is it means that mental attraction has only needed to be concerned when you're entering a long term relationship? No. In contrast, mental attraction has to be triggered at very first before sexual and emotional attraction.
The importance of mental attraction is obvious when it comes to long term relationship, but this doesn't mean it is needless at other stages. Sexual attraction and emotional attraction can't work effectively every time if you have bad (wrong mindset, immature, lack of principles) mental attraction.
You need correct mindset about dating and relationship, otherwise no matter what tactics, techniques, and skills you use will not work effectively. It's about what we say, the inner game. Once you master the inner game, your outer game will be naturally good.
In short, you want to master your inner game all the time, and build up the sexual attraction before emotional attraction.
The portion of each type of attraction in each stage
These three attraction would be existing at every stage of your relationship. As mentioned above, at each stage you need to focus more on certain type of attraction. At each stage if you give wrong attraction to her chances are your relationship will backfire.
So you need to know the portion of each type of attraction that you have to give at every stage. I explained the portion of each type of attraction in each relationship stage in my free ebook. Let's briefly explain it at here.
At stranger stage, majority of attraction must be sexual attraction.
Portion of attraction
75% sexual attraction
20% emotional attraction
5% mental attraction
When she still doesn't know much about you, don't hope that she will try to understand your inner self, she judges you basically on the impression you give to her. Spend your 75% of the time to give her good impression about you.
At friend/couple stage, majority of attraction must be emotional attraction.
Portion of attraction
15-20% sexual attraction
60% emotional attraction
20-25% mental attraction
You as her boyfriend want to attach to her 60% of the time, and, that's all. Don't give all your time to her, you still have your own life. If you give her 100 % of your time, she would 100% certain of your love, then chances are she'll lost attraction for you because uncertainty is one of the key elements of attraction. You want to keep the challenge alive.
At couple (long term) stage, majority of attraction might be like this.
Portion of attraction
Couple (long term)
15-20% sexual attraction
20% emotional attraction
60-65% mental attraction
At third stage you want to attract her with mental attraction 60-65% of the time. In other words, you want to show her your good attitude 60-65% of the time. I offer a free guide on this topic that teaches you how to attract women with personal boundaries( aka attitude).
Although in my free book about love relationship I explained that you need to attract her with different portion of mental attraction (attitude) at different stage, but don't get me wrong, attitude is something that has to be ON 100% of the times.
Like mentioned above, mental attraction has to be triggered at very first before sexual and emotional attraction.
In short and simple, love is about feeling attracted to her as she meets your unconscious criteria aka emotional needs. If you want to attract her and make her want you, then you want to give approriate portion of attraction at each relationship stage to satisfy her emotional needs. When you do all these well enough, she would feel attracted to you and want to be with you naturally.
About the author
Rio Yee is the Founder of WealthyLoveLife and is super passionate about helping people change their mind and take action to improve your important areas in life such as dating & relationships, personal finance and productivity.