How to Be An Assertive Person That Gets The Most Out of Life

Being an assertive person is an important and essential life skill for all people.

If you want to be a good problem solver and absolutely control your own life, then you have to learn to be an assertive person.

Being assertive means that you're able to control your own life - decide what you want, say what you want, living the way you want, etc.

If you're not assertive, chances are you're not controlling your life, instead you let your life controls you.

Firstly, you have to understand there are huge differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Being assertive simply means you're living the way that most out of life which decide by your own. It doesn't mean that you have to harm others, pushy, or being rude to get what you want.

Do you neglect personal boundary?

You should understand that, when you decide something, it always has to consider is it invades other's personal boundaries. No matter what things you decide or control (included asserting yourself) are only accepted if they are in your control area.

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If what you want to control isn't in your personal boundaries, then you have to stop it. Most of the time, something which is not under your control will not come with a mutual acceptance result if you force to control it. This behavior is not assertive, it's aggressive.

Decisions that do not gain acceptance from the people involved are not assertive decisions, they are destructive decisions.

You want to be able to control your own life, but other people want too. Never try to control others instead only control yourself. You're not willing to be controlled by others too, don't you?

Do you understand yourself?

The process of learning to be an assertive person is simple, but not easy. If you want to assert yourself, then you'll need to understand yourself.

Do you know what're your preferences?
Do you know what you like? What you really like?
What you like to see? What you like to do?

So, on the flip side of a coin, you have to know what you dislike in order gradually find out what you really like. For instance, let's say you don't like rock music, then you may like the soft and romantic music.  

To help you find out those answers, here I have some questions to you. Ask yourself these questions to know about yourself so you'll have a clearer vision about your preferences.

  1. What do I value most?
  2. What are my beliefs about how life works?
  3. How do I feel about myself?
  4. What are my approaches to life? Do these approaches work?

Please answer questions above before going through the following contents. Take out a pen and paper and jot down the answers and ideas related to the aspects that you want to assert to, you'd take at least 10 minutes to ponder the questions.

However, most of the time it needs more than 10 minutes; it may takes days, months and even years. All depend on you. But if you don't answer them seriously, then you'll not go to step out the first step towards being assertive.

Answered? Great.

Are you honest with yourself?

There're many people who try to assert themselves but eventually they failed, and later they conclude that being assertive is complex and difficult. They have made a very common mistake that most people do and that's the reason why they always fail eventually.

Are you doing the same mistake? The mistake is, they're NOT HONEST with themselves.

Your thoughts influence your world, if you do not honest with yourself, then your problems will never be solved completely. A lot of people hide the fact or the root problems to themselves, they will find reasons or excuses for themselves to escape from facing the problems.

They're willing to live in the comfort zone, rather than face risks, incoming challenges, unknown threats to solve their problems. But the fact is, fixing problems you'll always need to put efforts on it.

If you don't be honest with yourself, but always giving excuses and reasons to stop yourself to change and to improve, then you'll never achieve your goals.

Your thoughts will influence your action and behavior. And your action and behavior will change your world. Mindset is the foundation for you to be successful in any life area. Therefore, stop finding excuses to face the challenges in your world.

You have to acknowledge and accept your real problems; acknowledgement is the key step for you to change. Acknowledge about your bad habits, bad mindset, bad emotions, bad life skills - you name it, acknowledge and accept them.

Once you accept your real problems, you'll gain the power to overcome things that are stopping you to be an assertive person.

Do you have limiting beliefs?

Look at previous answers that you wrote for questions above, and examine any self-limiting beliefs block you to be an assertive person. For instance, you believe that life is unhappy. Then what're the limiting beliefs that are blocking you to be happy with your life?

Maybe it's because you're not successful in real life, you're not wealthy, not handsome, not beauty, and lack of life skills. No matter what, which is blocking you to believe life can be simple and happy.

After the exploration, acknowledge that you've negative thoughts and bad mindset - you're not passionate with your life, you're lazy to explore your life, change your life, and improve yourself. All these are the causes that make you unhappy with your life.

Acknowledge them and change all your bad beliefs in order to change your world. Honest is the best policy. Be honest with yourself about your limiting beliefs help you to go further.

Some examples here to give you ideas to explore your limiting beliefs.

  1. I’m just not smart enough.
  2. I’ve never succeeded before, why would now be any different?
  3. People refuse to listen to men like me.
  4. People make up their minds and there’s nothing I can do about it.
  5. I’m too young or too old.

Explore any limiting beliefs is holding you back to be an assertive person.

You can't be an assertive person without learning

Assertiveness is a learned behavior, and it's taking a long time to change. Changes are a gradual process. No one can be able to change in just a flip of a switch. You must be aware yourself that you need to change. This awareness is important for you when you encounter problems in your life.

Think of the benefits you'll gain if you constantly improve yourself every day as motivation to push yourself to move forward. Life is changing, it's not going to move with your pace, it won't slow down to suit your speed of movement. Time waits for no man.

Start on today to assert yourself in all your aspects of life. Discover your preferences, and find out what limiting beliefs are blocking you to achieve your goals.

Every day put on some efforts to fix them, eventually you'll be an assertive person and live the way that most out of life.  

About the author

RIO YEE

Rio Yee is the Founder of WealthyLoveLife and is super passionate about helping people change their mind and take action to improve your important areas in life such as dating & relationships, personal finance and productivity.

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