The Two-step Process How to Actually Avoid The Friend Zone

How to avoid the friend zone?

This question is what I always ask myself when I'm used to be a nice guy.

The answer became clear to me after finding out what makes me unattractive to women. (PS: I thought I was attractive at that time.)

To find out the answer is not an easy job. I read many articles and scientific researches only found some clues how to do this.

Luckily it's not a complicated answer. (But involved complicated evolutionary psychology behind the scenes)

It's only a two-step process to get you back on the right track to avoid the friend zone with your dream woman.

And there's one mistake most men make that completely spoil your chances to be successful with women - being a nice guy.

Let me briefly explain the relationship between nice guys and friend zone before explain to you how to avoid the friend zone.

You need to know this, otherwise the two-step process won't make sense to you.

Nice guys and friend zone

I used to visit and read many PUA sites to learn how to succeed with women (after breaking up with my ex).

What I learned from those sites are a bunch of cheesy lines and routines. 

I went outside and implemented them with women. Nothing worked.

And the feedback from pick-up artists was your game sucks. Go out and play the better game.

After studying love psychology, finally I understand that before any line and routine you want to make sure that she is attracted to you.

It's the same to you, you will only ever consider dating someone you are attracted to. 

Being a nice guy is not sexy.

Being a nice guy creates emotional attraction, builds comfort and connection, but doesn't create sexual attraction. See: love and attraction

So you want to stop being a nice guy and start being like a bad guy

Current generation the societal influences like social media turn men into nice guys. We are being taught to be nice to women, be polite, fit in the expectations.

We are being taught to present ourselves as a nice guy, so we are programmed to behave like a wuss.

We are lost with women, we don't know what women find attractive.

Is that money? (see: does money attract women) Is that looks? (see: does look matter) Is that present? (see: send gifts work or not)


We men can be attracted to a woman if she is psychically hot. But female attraction is much more complicated than the male attraction.

If you want to avoid the friend zone, if you want to be "more than friends", then remember sexual attraction is the most important factor.

You need to know how to present yourself as attractive to women.

Two steps to avoid the friend zone and be more than friends

These two steps will help you avoid ending up in a friendship with a woman that you want to be "more than friends" with.

First: Be more attractive. Second: Change the way you treat her.

#1. Be more attractive

First of all, we need to differentiate between what attracts women and what comforts women.

In my previous article I explained there are hormones control our attraction feelings.

When you make a woman feel attractive, her brain will release these hormones. 

When her brain releases Dopamine, she will feel attraction.

When her brain releases Oxytocin, she will feel connection.

Dopamine = Attraction
Oxytocin = Bonding

The problem is, nice guys do things that make women release Oxytocin but not Dopamine.

That's why many women respond to a nice guy's love confession with "I love you, but I'm not in love with you."

They don't feel attraction for those nice guys.

Dopamine -> Sex
Dopamine and Oxytocin -> Relationship
Oxytocin -> Friend Zone

People will only consider those who can cause a dopamine response as possible mates. 

Women only want Oxytocin from men who ALREADY give them dopamine.

In other words, women only want to be your girlfriend when there's already plenty of dopamine.

How to be more attractive

As just mentioned, women get turned on by dopamine stuffs, and want to have a relationship if Oxytocin stuffs are given afterward.

We men are just the same. We get turned on by good-looking women. But we'll only love a woman who has good personalities.

To present yourself as attractive to women, you have to know these two biological facts. 1. Men choose many women, women choose one of the best men around them. 2. Mate choice copying.

1. Men choose many women, women choose one of the best men around them

That's how our brain wired. Men are wired to choose many women, whereas women are wired to choose one of the best men around them. See: the biological difference between men and women

This means if you want to attract women, you have to be an objectively quality guy.

You don't have to be very attractive, but you should be relatively more attractive than other men around the woman you want to pursue. (10 things to improve in a minute)

2. Mate choice copying

In simple words, mate choice copying is about people will copy their peers' choices of mate choosing.

If one woman finds you are attractive, other women will likely feel you are attractive too. The more women are attracted to you, the higher quality you are perceived.

Therefore, be ready to change yourself and improve your attractiveness. Once you get started and get on the right track you will be pursued by many women gradually. You can take my words.

So, here are the things I conclude that a man has to do to make him get pursued by women.

First of all, you need to understand the fundamentals to succeed with women. There are 10 fundamentals from my trial and error.

After that, improve these 10 things that make you irresistible to women. Get to know them in this article 10 aspects to improve your dating life

Here's the catch...

People change over time, be either better or worse. 

Even if you are great you might get worse later if you don't care and respect yourself. 

If women find you are or become unattractive, due to the mate choice copying effect, there will be more women find you are unattractive. You might get dumped afterward.

The key to keeping women is improving yourself constantly. No excuses at all.

#2. Change the way you treat her

The second step is you want to change the way you treat her.

If you want to avoid the friend zone, then stop treating her like a friend.

Treat her like a friend is the act that you force yourself to enter the friend zone. And once you entered the friend zone, it's hard to step out from it.

Not to mention that pretend as her friend but inside you actually want more than it is dishonest on your part. A healthy relationship is base on honesty and empathy.

You also have to never be a nice guy. That means you'll never buy her flowers, gifts, drinks, and be her driver. You'll never pursue her and confess your feelings to her. 

Instead you want to be a bad guy. That means you are mysterious to her, you don't pursue her, you don't need her approval to do things, you are decisive, you are the leader, you are assertive, you are humor and cocky, you are emotionally stable. 

Simply put, you are a challenge to women.They'll be attracted to you because you aren't cheap. 

Many guys have a wrong mindset about women, they unconsciously make critical mistakes with women due to the limiting beliefs.

Eliminate these limiting beliefs is very necessary. 

Some beliefs shape one's mind to be a nice guy. Some beliefs make guys don't believe they deserve to have the love they want. Some beliefs make them anxious and not confident around women. See: The confidence that attracts women.

These limiting beliefs will unconsciously hold you back to a position that makes you unfavored by women. You have no excuses to let these false beliefs make you stuck with your dating life.

For your better understanding, below is the summarization of step 2. 

- Stop treating her like a friend
- Stop being a nice guy
- Behave like a bad guy

In conclusion

It's not hard to avoid the friend zone. With these two steps - 1. Be attractive 2. Change the way you treat her - I guarantee you'll attract women to want you naturally. 

However, you can't miss out any step of it. If you don't be attractive, nothing will happen even if you treat her properly. 

Same thing, if you don't change the way you treat her, she will never want to have a relationship with you even if you are attractive.

Follow these two steps you will be welcoming the love life that you always wanted. '

Make it and get it.

Photo creditFriendzone: Level 99

About the author


Rio Yee is the Founder of WealthyLoveLife and is super passionate about helping people change their mind and take action to improve your important areas in life such as dating & relationships, personal finance and productivity.


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